Pretty much since May, when I finally gave in and kissed my Lion, he’s been the one dominant over me. I made it fairly clear I was interested in a D/s relationship with him–something he, too, seemed enthusiastic about. So, very slowly, we have been working on building that. A contract is in production, I have tasks, and we are both picking the other’s brain and delving deep, learning what makes us tick, and what strengthens our bond.
I’ve had a D/s relationship as a submissive before. Rigger, my Sir, was a great teacher, and a compassionate, though sadistic Dominant, but our relationship remained fairly mechanical. I was in it for the experience. My relationship with Lion is very different. We have a familiarity of each other, feelings, attachment beyond just a title and a leash. I feel honor in my submission to him. I want to make him happy not just because of a collar or duty, but because I love him, and his happiness is my joy.
I attended a workshop at Dark Odyssey’s Winter Fire some years ago that was ostensibly a panel on service submission. The woman who headed the panel used the title Princess. I learned a lot from her about submission, and not just about service. She gave us a list of questions to ask your submissive. I stumbled across my notes as I was going through my old service notebook, and I thought they would be a great way to get both of us thinking. So, I altered Princess’s questions, changing them so they could be asked to a Dominant, and posed them to him first. Once he’d answered them all, I asked him to modify and add to the questions as he saw fit for me to answer.
I’m slowly working on them now. A few of them have been more challenging than I expected. My Lion has been patient with me, including giving me feedback on the answers as I post them (which I love). And I think both of us are already seeing results from our answers and discussions.
One thing I continue to find amusing as we keep learning about one another, is how hesitant Lion is to share his kinks and fetishes with me. Particularly if they’re dark, something even he was surprised to like, or maybe feels a little strange or uneasy for liking it. It’s funny to me because I have gotten off to some of the weirdest stuff. Stuff that, I guess, people don’t imagine me enjoying. I know he’s worried my image of him will be altered, or I’ll be offended–or maybe there is an element of shame there still, for being so turned on by things that are wrong or dirty in the real world. So far, I haven’t been shocked or surprised… or disgusted. Mostly just excited. We keep finding these ways we’re compatible that had been hidden all those years. And it’s good.
I have a good feeling about this.
(Mostly the kind of feeling that results in bruises.)